be you and me
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: While everyone's sleeping, Kira goes through a bout of mental anguish almost to the point of insanity.


**Fandom: Gundam Seed  
Title: be you and me.  
Pairing: Kira + Athrun  
Rating: PG  
Description - While everyone****'****s sleeping, Kira goes through a bout of mental anguish almost to the point of insanity****.**

**Disclaimer - Gundam Seed isn****'****t mine.**

Soldier; child; Coordinator; adult.  
Whom am I?  
What am I?

You push me away  
when it's convenient,  
You embrace me  
when it's to your advantage.

And yet, you reject me as human  
when your inhumanity  
defies that of  
true  
integrity.

Tell me  
when  
will  
I  
ever  
be  
well  
again.

**be you and me.  
By miyamoto yui  
**  
I already feel so old.

As I put my hands on the windows of the Archangel, I look off into space. It's funny that there's nothing but blackness and stars and yet people still want to know what's "out there". We're never satisfied with what we have.  
It seems like everyone's preoccupied with their selfishness to understand that the simple things in life are as easy as they can be. If only we can see past all this blood, we wouldn't be numbers on a screen that dictate the value of our lives.

My fingers cringe and I want to scratch the window.

I want to shout as loud as I can and I want to cry. Doesn't anyone understand?!

I hear nothing but silence around me as everyone's sleeping, but my heart is beating so fast that I don't know if it's normal, even for me. But no matter what I am, I am still who I am. Or, at least, what I think I am. Right?

Just because I'm biologically different doesn't mean that my feelings have been altered. I'm still the same even though I seem physically impenetrable. Just because my body doesn't feel the blow or "normal" human beings won't ever experience what I go through, I won't experience what they go through either.

And I accept that. Why can't they accept me?

It's not that I care…  
But they ironically want me to speak up for them? Whenever I step into the Strike, that's what it all basically comes down to. In there, we are all the same. And outside of those walls, I'm something else that resembles a human.

My parents just wanted a child. That's all. And I became theirs. Is it so wrong?

As with everything, unless you work at it with all of your heart and your love, nothing will come of it.  
How is it that people who are supposed to know this can't even realize this straightforward, yet profound and true fact of life?

I crumble to my knees.

I can't go to sleep. I can't really eat. I see all their faces, both living and dead. They look to me to save them. I am here to help them.

Who will help me? Who will save me? Myself? I don't know who the enemy is. Them, myself, names, labels, places…?

Where does it all start? Where does it all end? When do things like this ever become "resolved"?

We just want peace and yet there are people that think that it's justified to kill other people to achieve that. Sacrifices must be made in the amount of blood. My points are no different from the feelings of those that are silent and those who have been silenced on what's been happening. Just because we live in a neutral state doesn't meant that we haven't made a decision on where to side from or on.  
Does that mean that we chose indifference? Just because someone doesn't know how to fight doesn't mean that they can't. That doesn't mean that they are able to feel everything that's happened.

It's cruel and sad that because we know what we're doing, we suffer.

Am I speaking about the people that look up to me? Am I speaking for the war? Am I speaking and killing myself over this because I saw his face?

Every time I fight someone, I wonder who's on the other side. I wanted to see you so badly, but not like that. I don't want to kill you.

You're the same person I held hands with when we went on field trips. You're same person that I hugged whenever I felt like I didn't do well on a test-run when we were training in the academy. You're the same person who told me that things would be all right as long as we were together to fight through everything.

You're the same person who gave me my most precious friend Birdy.

You are also the person who gave me the most important lesson and characteristic that makes me, me: my hope.

But why is it the same person I used to kiss on the lips the same one that I don't know anymore? We have the same ideals and yet why are we fighting at different sides?

Athrun. Tell me what's going inside of your head.

I want to hold your arms again and look into your eyes. You're a quiet and gentle person. You won't tell me in words. You'll tell me in actions.

It's because you're in the Aegis and I see everything…  
That's why it's so painful for me to watch you as you slip away. And yet I can feel deep in my heart, you are still the same.

I don't want you to hate me. I know you don't. Why?

I can see it. You can't kill me.

Not because we are friends. Not because you love me as your beloved friend…

No, it's because we know the other that well. We were one once, only separated by our bodies and our distance.

You were the only one that understood me. You were the only one that bothered to know my side of everything. You were the only one that listened to me.

I pound on the glass and my tear-strained face watches space pass by ever so slowly.

I want to sob. I want to cry aloud. I want to scream.

You are the only one who knows what's going on in my head. I don't want to reach that day that seems to be approaching. I don't want to see that day that you don't know anything about me.

As if we never existed. As if we never had a past together. As if we never were the way we were.  
The people we were will be erased forever…

I'm so lost now. I don't know where I'm going. And the more I go into the Strike, the more I see myself besides myself.

I can't recognize either person, Athrun.

No! Not after all this time of wanting to see you again!

I see your face in front of me, but you're not the Athrun I know. And I stand before you, but I can't kiss you as innocently  
as we did before.

I look down at the floor and I feel myself bleed relentlessly even though there is no blood before me.

I'm no longer a child. Just because the war will end doesn't mean it will stop inside my head. It will repeat again and again until the day I die.

Just because you political leaders wanted "peace" in the loosest sense of that word. Fighting with words in the councils doesn't mean shit because you're not scared everyday of your life if you'll live until tomorrow.

For every word you said, You had to sacrifice my innocence and my sanity with it.

Athrun,  
If I don't survive, I just want you to know that my heart was always unchanged from the day you left me. I will always be yours, in whatever sense of the word you take this in. Completely yours.

And if someday, my body gets to you,  
Whether cold and/or whole,

if my mind isn't all there,  
and I'm nothing but a broken thing…

Hold me.  
Hold me and tell me,  
that I was always the same to you,  
that you were waiting for me,

that no matter what happens or happened,

it'll always be us,  
until the end of time.

Until all the universe outside of these windows that seems real and unreal at the same time have ceased.

As you've always done,  
without words,  
tell me it will always

be you and me.

**Owari. / The End.**

**Author ****'****s note:** Gundam Seed. I need more. I want to watch the rest of it. I wish I knew someone who had it, but anyway, I hope you liked this. It's some of my rant on life, love, war, and other stuff that's been bugging me.

Love,  
Yui  
**  
December 23, 2004, 1:22 AM**


End file.
